Aaaarrrrgggghhhh (in my best post-surgery pirate voice)!!! Ahoy, Matey!
While I may be up on my "pirate talk," it turns out that I'm a terrible pirate. Even worse, I'm a terrible pirate baker. I'm not the best baker in the world anyway, but having to wear an eye patch after surgery made things a little trickier. Reading recipes with one eye covered proved to be more difficult than I expected. My good eye isn't as good as I thought it was. Here's the story...
My Cap'n (husband) took me pick up groceries and shiver me timbers, those Girl Scouts had taken over the entrance to Kroger! There was no getting past them without seeing cases of Thin Mints. Of course I can't have them. They're not gluten free! But I certainly wanted them. Oh, how I miss Thin Mints!
I made it half-way through the store when I announced rather loudly that I must have Thin Mints. I searched high and low for the Goodie Girl Mint Slims--a gluten-free cookie that is actually better than their Girl Scout counterpart, but there were none to be found. I was desperate. My husband, I mean Cap'n, pulled up a gluten-free thin mint recipe on the phone and read the ingredient list to me. I decided those Girl Scouts weren't ruining my day--I'd just make my own cookies.
When I got home, I started melting chocolate and butter while mixing the dry ingredients. I poured in the chocolate mixture and began stirring. It didn't seem to be mixing that well and I thought maybe it was supposed to be that way. I transferred the dough, which was pretty powdery, from the mixing bowl to the parchment paper and began rolling it with the rolling pin. It just wasn't holding together. I managed to cut out 20 cookies--not nearly enough for the $12 I had in ingredients. After they finished baking and cooling, I tried removing them from the parchment paper-lined pan, but they were breaking from the slightest touch. It was a crumbly mess! Each time I tried dipping the fragile cookies into the chocolate glaze they literally fell to pieces. There were crumbs all over the floor. I almost felt bad for the swabby that had to sweep and mop after I was finished. I've given up my cleaning chores for a couple of weeks--doctor's orders!
After the chocolate glazed hardened, we tried the cookies and they were AWFUL! The glaze was perfect, but the cookie itself was so bad that it just ruined the mint chocolate glaze. Pirate baking fail. I'm not sure where I went wrong. I don't know if my measuring was off because all numbers look like eights to me, or if the recipe had a misprint...I just know that these cookies were not fit to eat.
I'm thankful I'm not really a pirate and I hope my eyes will be better before my next attempt at baking. Those cookies were so bad that whoever tried to eat them would've made me walk the plank! From now on, I'll pillage the town in search of Goodie Girl Mint Slims!
Sorry Girl Scouts, X marks the spot at Goodie Girl Cookies on my treasure map! I'm sure to find them again soon!
This is not a sponsored post. While I would love to have free Goodie Girl Mint Slims or money to buy cases of them, I did not receive any compensation for this post. I am just a really bad pirate baker and I love my Mint Slims!